Monday, September 18, 2006

A Letter to Howard Schultz

Howard Schultz, President & CEO
Starbucks Corporation

September 18, 2006

Dear Sir:

I write to you today not as a customer, but as a woman in need of help. I have nowhere else to turn. You're my last hope. Please, I beg you, remove the crack cocaine-like ingredient from your coffee products immediately. I'm a junkie, and I just can't say no.

Every day, sometimes twice a day, I find myself in front of your baristas, without knowing how I got there, buying another Venti Iced Non-Fat Vanilla Latte. At five bucks a pop, that's more than the cost of a single dose of rock. I know. I looked it up.

Halfway through my day, I start shaking, twitching and speaking in tongues. I have to leave work and drive straight to your store or I start getting headaches and the cold sweats. Fortunately, everyone else in my office is addicted as well, or I'd be severely close to losing my job.

Now I hear that you plan to open even MORE locations in Chicago. You're already on every street corner and in every strip mall. What's next? A Starbucks counter in the spa where I get my bikini wax? It's bad enough I have to wait in line behind Gucci-clad soccer moms to feed my addiction now.

Please, Mr. Schultz, I'm begging you. Only you have the power to stop the madness. Can't you just sell normal coffee, like, say, Dunkin Donuts or Intelligentsia? I pray for that day.



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