Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I Win the Employee of the Year Award

We had a little snafu with a major client from across the pond last week. Well, actually, we had a HUGE snafu, and when your business is defined by deadlines like mine is, it doesn't pay to fuck up. I spent a good portion of my Monday cleaning up someone else's mess, and the client seemed quite satisfied. Due to the time difference, though, I offered my mobile number in case there were any issues. As unpredictable as technology can be sometimes, I figured it was best to play it safe.

At 7:45 this morning, I heard my phone ring. Realizing that the call had to be from our client (because everyone else in my life knows that somebody had better be dead if they're calling me that early), I leapt out of the shower and ran across the kitchen to grab my phone. Dripping wet. Naked. Without my contacts in my eyes.

For the next twenty minutes I stood in my kitchen, freezing cold, blind, soaking wet and naked, being verbally assaulted by some smarmy British doctor in that tone of voice that only smarmy British doctors seem to have. Do they teach that "I'm totally superior to you, because I'm a smarmy British doctor." tone of voice in med school in the UK? And yes, I'm well aware that I've said "smarmy British doctor" three (not including this one) times now.

Before we hung up our respective phones, I promised said smarmy British doctor that I would take care of the problem immediately, as the program was set to air in less than 3 hours in the UK. I called my boss (who, if I were playing the blame game, would be the person who fucked this all up originally) and told him about the situation. His response? "What do you want me to do about it?"

Motherfucker.

My response was, "I want you to fix this." To which, he replied, "Well, it sounds more like their problem than ours."

Double motherfucker.

"Ok, then, what do you expect me to tell this man, since we've royally fucked this up?" I asked. "I don't know," he said. "Tell him to call me, I guess."

Triple motherfucker.

"So let me get this straight. I've just stood here, naked, wet and blind, getting my ass chewed for the last 20 minutes by someone who, although a smarmy British doctor, has every right to be pissed off at us, and your response is, 'Tell him to call me.' ??? No, here's what you're going to do. Here's his number. You're going to call him and fix this. I'm going to dry off, get dressed, put some make-up on and go to Starbuck's. I'll be a little late this morning. It's in your hands now." And, with that, I hung up.

Oddly enough, I still have a job.




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