Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Match Made in Cyber-Heaven

I was chatting on-line with the BF today (yeah, 'cuz he's still 9000 miles away - butthead), and I couldn't help but notice just how great we are with one another. It's comfortable, you know? Sometimes it's silly and schmoopy, and sometimes it's erotic and intense. But it always feels right. It's our thing, and we're good at it. What's more, we're EXACTLY the same way with each other in person. Hallelujah!

So, seeing as how I'm at a complete creative loss tonight, I thought you all may enjoy (or maybe not, but who cares?) excerpts from a few of our more recent exchanges. I suggest grabbing waste basket and setting it somewhere close. A few of you may want to vomit...the cheese factor is quite high in some of these.

While discussing the purchase of a wireless router for my laptop, & while I was changing the color of my blog:

I'm so computer illiterate. You should have seen me in Best Buy. It took the guy 20 minutes to talk me in to the wireless router instead of just getting a longer cable.
BF: I love you. And you can rely on me for computer skills any time you want.
ME: You would have laughed your ass off if you could have seen how tortured I was over the decision. I thought the sales guy was going to pee his pants.
BF: When does your laptop arrive?
ME: By the 12th.
BF: You can be comfortable in bed when I sex up the chat with you.
ME: Ooooh! Pretty green!!!!
ME: Sorry...totally distracted by all the colors. What was that you were saying? Something about sex?

While discussing breakfast:

Did you have breakfast?
BF: Yes, ma'am. Cereal and mango juice.
ME: Good. I'm not a big fan of mango juice, thought I like mangoes. Weird.
BF: I hear it makes a guy taste sweeter.
ME: That's pineapple juice!
BF: I read that it was both.
ME: Never heard of mango juice doing that...we'll just have to test it. For scientific purposes only, of course.
BF: I volunteer to help for science.
ME: See? That's why I love you. Always putting other people's needs ahead of your own. Thinking about the greater good.
BF: I know, it's a sacrifice sometimes, but in this instance, I think I just have to take one for the team.
ME: Well, then, it's settled. I I guess I'm just going to have to give you a hummer...or ten thousand.
BF: A hummer, or ten thousand...are we talking money or number of blowjobs?
ME: BJ, butthead. Silly boy.

While discussing my period, and a possible bikini purchase:

Have I told you how big my boobs are right now?
BF: NO. Are you teasing me?
ME: They're HUGE. Every time I get my period lately, they just swell up.
BF: Do you need two sets of bras?
ME: No, but I'm falling out of the one I'm wearing at the moment. You should see the cleavage I've got right now! I could fill out that bikini pretty damn well!
BF: That is a nice bikini...I had better tell you...I will NOT be held responsible for my wandering hands when I am within arms distance of you.
ME: Should I buy it, then?

While discussing his return to Chicago:

BF: I'll just type this message for you to return to...You are the most amazing, most gorgeous and by far the best thing to ever happen to me...I love you, honey, like I have never loved another, and I really can't wait for us to be together.
ME: What a nice message to come back to! I love you too, and I can't wait for you to get your ass here!
BF: Me too...my ass is eager to be there.
Well, it's a nice ass. I'm glad he's coming.
He likes you, and he'll be tighter by the time I get back to you.
Does HE have a name?
BF: Nope...you mean my ass, or my front?
Either. Both. Whatever!
I have never named my penis.
That's odd. I thought men did that sort of thing all the time.
Not me...why do you want to name it?
Certainly not.
BF: Have you named your twins?
ME: Yeah, I call them "The Twins."
ME: Actually, they're more like fraternal twins. The right one is just a bit bigger than the left. Have you noticed?
BF: I didn't, but I will be sure to make a detailed study next time they are in front of me.
ME: For scientific purposes again?
BF: Well I think it's only fair as part of my scientific responsibilities.
ME: Responsibilities to whom?
To me.
Greedy bastard.

Have you all noticed a pattern here? Yeah, me too. There's a whole lotta sex-talking going on. This is what happens when the person you love is half-way around the world from you. But you know what? This has been, and continues to be, the most amazing experience. It's like an old fashioned courtship in a way...well, except for all that talk of boobs and blowjobs.

We talk. Truly talk, because our words are all we have of one another at the moment. By the time we can be together for good, we'll know more about each other than couples that have been dating for years...and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

But just so you don't think we ALWAYS talk about sex...while discussing my dietary habits:

I just ate about 10 Fudge Stripe cookies. I think I'm going to hurl.
BF: Why did you eat 10?
ME: Because they taste good. Duh.
BF: But they make you hurl. Duh.

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