Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Get Off My Blog!

I love the internet. Really, I do. I'm so glad Al Gore invented it (ok, it's a bad joke, but I couldn't pass it up). Nearly everything one needs or wants can be found with the click of their mouse. For me, though, the most wonderful thing about the net is the ability to connect with people from all over the world. I've met some pretty damn amazing people over the past few months, and I owe it all to this blog, and therefore, ultimately, the internet.

I've always been curious as to how everyone found me. Of course, some of you came to me through comments I'd left after one of your posts, and yet others of you by kindly links from fellow bloggers. I make it a point to check my sitemeter referral page once or twice a day, though, to see where the rest of my readers come from.

My favorite kind of referral is the random search that brings someone here when they were actually looking for something else. I've kept track for some time now of the engine searches that have come my way. Most of them are usually harmless and funny, and I can usually tell why the search engine (Google, MSN, etc.) pointed them in my direction.

For example:

Downtown Handjobs: This one was obvious enough. It came from the famous blowjob post.

What does popping the cherry mean?: Another obvious one. It's from the post where I discussed losing my virginity.

Things to say when she asks "Do I look fat in this?": This, of course, came from my guide to Woman-Speak.

Like I said before, these are all harmless and funny. The other day, though, I got the shock of my life. I think we all forget sometimes that the internet can also be a useful tool for the sick and depraved members of society. While clicking on a Google search referral the other day, I saw something that made me want to vomit. In the search field were these four words:

Father Daughter Touching Thighs

I kid you not. The words were there, plain as day, and underneath it, amongst a bunch of other sicko shit, was a link to my blog. I was in shock. I knew I'd written the words "thighs slapping" in the post about losing my virginity. I'd also written a post regarding my father and his battle with MS. But NEVER, EVER did those posts cross paths, and there is no way they could ever be misconstrued as being related.

So, I've got something to say to the person who came to Bated Breath via that search. GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG, YOU SICK BASTARD. And remember this...if you EVER come back this way again, you twisted fuck, I'll track you down through your IP Address and make sure you never see the light of day again.

The rest of you, however, are all still very welcome.

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