Sunday, February 19, 2006

And the Winner Is...

First of all, thank you to everyone for your well wishes. You'll be happy to hear my mouth has gone back to almost normal, and I've discontinued my thoughts of murdering my dentist. It's amazing what a little rest and some solid food can do to improve one's spirits. So, on to the business at hand....

Last week, I posted about a spam e-mail I'd received, and asked for your help in translating it. I received many responses - some thoughtful, some hilarious, and some, well, just plain dirty. All of them were wonderful, but there can only be one winner.

So. without further ado, the winner is....FALTENIN. He obviously put a lot of thought in to his translation, and impressed me with his ability to turn something vulgar in to something beautiful.

Here's the original:

SHY TO FCUK WITH UR SHORT GUN? L0NGER 3" INSTANTLY SIMILAR

Susie Debby
to me
More options
Feb 7 (2 days ago)

fascinate light motor. happened wife servants.respect rich is we window. bad few whom.shining very end benefit. embarrass motor steps steps latter not?make wanted nothing principle. side corner bought yours? embarrass bad slow love least allow.drew shining similar?

And here's what he created from that:


It's a love letter. Disguised with a cunning title - your boyfriend would never think to check that one. The text is a poem, inspired by Joyce. You have to write it the correct way:


Fascinate light motor.
Happened wife servants.
Respect-rich is we-window.
Bad few whom
Shining very-end benefit.
Embarrass motor steps
Steps latter not?
Make wanted nothing-principle.
Side-corner bought yours?
Embarrass bad slow
Love least allow.
Drew shining similar?

And he continues...

Which translates more or less as:


Fascinated by fast cars,
Collecting women like a harem,
I displayed my wealth for all to see
At the end, how many
Find the final glittering prize?
I can drive as fast as I like,
How closer will I get to happiness?
I leave behind worldly possessions
Embracing your view of the world
Shameful, I have been lost for so long
Love is today the only wealth I desire
Can we wish upon the same star?
Thank you Faltenin, for not only writing so beautifully, but for taking the time to put so much thought in to it. You have my e-mail address...
Come and get your prize!

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