Tuesday, January 10, 2006

SBC, Spawn of Satan

I’m pissed. No, scratch that. I’m RAGING pissed. I DETEST SBC, or the new AT&T, or whatever the fuck they’re calling themselves these days. Know what I call them? DOUCHEBAGS.

At this moment in time, my company is losing money. Lots and lots of money. Simply because some jackass technicians were working on someone else's phone lines, and accidentally screwed with ours. The DSL is dead, and they can’t figure out how to fix it.

We’ve got pissed off clients, and I can’t say I blame them. I know EXACTLY how they’re feeling right now. I’ve wasted an entire day on the phone with these pricks, only to be told time and again that they don’t know how or when the situation will be rectified.

So, here’s my big FUCK YOU to that piece of crap company, starting from the ground up:

Fuck you to the two jerkoffs that messed up our lines. Really, how incompetent can you be?

Fuck you to the automated voice attendant. No, I don’t want to press one for sales. Yes, of course we were able to connect to the internet from this line before. FUCK YOU. Stop asking me these stupid questions and transfer me to a God damn human being so I can yell at them!

Fuck you to Sanjay, the first dipshit I talked to in tech support. Thanks for speaking such clear English so I could take the trouble ticket number down properly. E and Z are so similar! Oh, and thanks for giving me the wrong number to the “line trouble” department, and then disconnecting me. I absolutely LOVED talking to that automated bitch again.

Fuck you to Bart, the second dipshit I talked to in tech support. I love being treated like a moron for giving you the wrong trouble ticket number. I mean, it must be my fault, since that non-English speaking asshat did such a great job of giving it to me so clearly.

Fuck you to Eric in the line trouble department. Thank you for telling me what I am already keenly aware of…the DSL line doesn’t work. No shit, Sherlock. Did you figure that one out all by yourself? And thank you for connecting me to a third party in your Line Maintenance group. Those guys are awesome!

Fuck you to the guys in the third-party Line Maintenance group for being so God damn pleasant. I really do appreciate being told that I have to call that whore of an automated attendant again to check the status of my repair order. Love her! We’ve become great friends over the past several freaking hours of dealing with this nightmare.

And finally, FUCK YOU to all the executives at SBC, just because you’re you. You must be having a great day…sipping your lattes & surfing the net in your great big offices that we pay for. I love you guys!

So, here I sit, at my desk, with absolutely nothing to do except play Solitaire. I am seething with anger because you cocksuckers can’t seem to get your shit together. And now you tell me that it may not be fixed until noon tomorrow? I can’t wait to go home and get on my computer. You want to know why? Because I have COMCAST, you sons a' bitches.

And you can bet your ass I’ll be switching the my company account over to them first thing tomorrow morning.
Sorry for all the cussing, guys, but I'm mad as hell. I'll attempt to be sweet again tomorrow.

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