Thursday, January 05, 2006

A Girl's Best Friend...and No, It's Not a Diamond

Blow Job. Going down. Giving head. The Hummer.
Call it what you will. I call it my buddy -- my pal -- my ace in the hole (no pun intended). It's my guarantee that garbage will get taken out, or the oil in my car gets changed. It's how I know I'll have the door opened for me, and it's also the reason I'll be waiting in the warm lobby while he's bringing the car around. Let's face it. Men are easy. If there's even the slightest hint their wank will be tugged, they'll pretty much be at our beck and call...for a little while, at least.
But the other night, while having drinks with some female friends, I was shocked to learn how many women don't realize this fact. Worse, several of them blew my mind by expressing their disdain for "the task." I heard every excuse in the book for not wanting to do the deed.
So here, on my blog, I will again attempt to perform a public service. Except this time, it's for the benefit of my amigas. Your happiness is my primary concern. And lets be honest, guys, you're not getting the short end of the stick on this one, so I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your bitching to a minimum.
Excuse # 1 ~ "Really, when you think about it, it's disgusting."
Ok, unless he's got more hair than a grizzly bear down there, what's so disgusting about it? If he's dirty or smelly, you're probably dating the wrong guy anyways. Here's a fun fact: Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it. So if you're gonna let him stick his tongue in your mouth, why not his penis?
Excuse # 2 ~ "I never know whether to spit or swallow."
Obviously, this comes down to personal choice...and whether or not you have a towel handy. But here's something interesting: The average ejaculation fills up about a teaspoon, and it only has about seven calories in it. Not to mention, it's comprised partly of proteins(read: Atkins). It also contains citric acid, Vitamin C & zinc, so if you've got a cold coming on...
Excuse # 3 ~ "My jaw hurts if I do it too long."
All I can say is this...if you're doing it right, it won't take that long.
Excuse # 4 ~ "I'm afraid I'll hurt him."
Trust me honey, he'll let you know if you hurt him. What's that old saying? "The only thing you have to fear is fear itself." Wise words to live by, indeed.
Excuse # 5 ~ "I never know if I'm doing it right."
Now, I don't profess to be a sex therapist, but I can tell you this...all you have to do is ASK him. He'll tell you what he likes. Besides, if he's writhing around and moaning, you can pretty much bet you're doing fine.
Excuse # 6 ~ "He always falls asleep afterwards."
And the problem with this is what? You both get a good night's sleep, and hopefully, he'll be so happy in the morning he'll make you pancakes.
So there you are, ladies. You have no REAL reason not to give him a toss now and then. Instead, make him happy. The pros greatly outweigh the cons. And I'll guarantee you this...If you ask a man for something immediately following, you're probably gonna get it. After he wakes up, of course.
Why settle just for what you can get, when getting what you really want is one good BJ away?

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