Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Magic Eight Ball, Part Deux

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! It's time for the astounding and amazing Magic Eight Ball to answer your questions. But first, a few ground rules:

1. I will only turn the 8 Ball over once. No best-out-of three's.
2. I am allowed to interpret the results.
3. If you're not happy with your answer, too bad! I don't want to hear about it.

So, without further ado, here are the much anticipated answers to your queries...

PENNIES asks: Please ask your friend with such grand wisdom if I will live past 62?
And the 8 Ball says: LOOKS LIKE YES
Trix's interpretation: Only if I don't strangle you first.

EXCELSIOR asks: Hey Trix ask the 8 ball if my blog shall have some regular readers by the end of the year.
And the 8 Ball says: VERY LIKELY
Trix's interpretation: In other words, just keep asking everyone to visit. They may not like it, but they'll visit your blog if for no other reason than to tell you to get bent. We're all cruel bastards, in the end.

NEUROTIC MISSY asks: Should I ditch the black PSP and buy a white one?
And the 8 Ball says: LOOKS LIKE YES
Trix's interpretation: See? I told you so.

NEUROTIC MISSY also asks: Does Matt only want a shag? (hehe)
Trix's interpretation: What does it matter? If he's cute, go for it!

ARMAEDES asks: If a tree falls in the forest and it lands on a mime, does anyone care?
And the 8 Ball says: YOU CAN COUNT ON IT
Trix's interpretation: I'm assuming the mime cares.

BRONSON PALOMINO asks: Do people not leave comments on my blog because I suck as a writer?
And the 8 ball says: CAN'T SAY NOW
Trix's interpretation: The 8 Ball is as afraid of your wrath as I am. ;)

LOZO asks: Am I destined to die alone?
And the 8 ball says: UNLIKELY
Trix's interpretation: Honey, if you really have an 8 inch johnson, I'll marry you!

VESPER asks: Should I try to date Armaedes?
And the 8 Ball says: INDICATIONS SAY YES
Trix's interpretation: Are you NUTS? His girlfriend will kick your ass!

ANONYMOUS asks: Is Armaedes really as cool as he seems in his blog?
And the 8 Ball says: POSITIVELY
Trix's interpretation: If cool is a loathsome misogynist pig, then yes, he is. (You know I love you, right?)

GREG asks: Will my blog readership increase?
And the 8 Ball says: PROSPECT GOOD
Trix's interpretation: As long as you stop referring to PC repairs as "surgery."

and asks...

Will my life return to normal (a relative state)?
And the 8 Ball says: YOU CAN COUNT ON IT
Trix's interpretation: As soon as your daughter is grown, out of the house, graduated from college & married.

and asks...

Can I expect to see large sums of money in the future?
And the 8 Ball says: CHANCES AREN'T GOOD
Trix's interpretation: I've already mentioned that you have a DAUGHTER. Need I say more?

and asks one more time...

Will I get to fulfill my dream of going hunting for Wild East Texas Boars?
Trix's interpretation: I think the 8 Ball & I are in agreement on this one. We'd rather you first go hunting for a Wild Texas Asshole...say George W.?

And that, my dear friends, is the end of the Magic 8 Ball game. Thanks for playing! And remember, he's always with me. So, if you have a major life decision to make & you're uncertain about what to do, drop us a line. We'd be happy to help. Just, please, promise you won't hate us if we tell you something you don't want to hear.

His advice is sometimes mysterious, but it should never be questioned.

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