Friday, December 09, 2005


People don't change unless they want to. Plain and simple. You can beg & plead - everything short of hitting them over the head with a brick, but it never does any good unless they're ready to do it for themselves. Stubborn souls, who can't get over their past, that are unwilling to see that maybe there's better road to their future. You're one of those people.

God forbid someone should criticize you. Your father did it to you right up until they day he died, so why shouldn't everyone else? It's only natural to think that people see you as a fuck-up, right? RIGHT? Of course they will, because you only let them see what you want them to see.

The problem with that way of thinking, though, is that no matter what you do, you will never get out of that shadow of shit unless you consciously decide to move on. You're never going to make that man happy, no matter how hard you try. There's a reason he passed angry, miserable, and ultimately, alone - it's because he chose to. Is that the legacy you always dreamed of? Are those the footsteps in which you want to follow?

You want a better life for yourself. I know you do. YOU know you do. You want a real life, one of love and fulfillment. But you don't know how to make that happen. It's always just beyond your reach. There's always something getting in your way, and that something is you.

I wish you could see that there are people out there that believe in you. People who don't want anything from you EXCEPT you. Just having you in their life would be enough if you would only let them in. But you push everyone and everything that's good and pure out, because somewhere along the way, one man said you weren't worthy of it.

Who was he to tell you that? On who's authority? Parenting is not a right, it's a privilege, and shame on him for abusing that privilege. Shame on him for abusing you. Shame on him for setting in to motion the sad state of your life today. But you can't use him as your crutch forever. People will only allow you to use that as an excuse for so long.

What I wish you could see is that you, and you alone, are responsible for your own happiness. You don't have to let his words hurt you anymore. What better way to prove him wrong than to make a life for yourself filled with everything he never gave you?

Until you can accept your past, and forgive him, you'll never be able to move forward. But if you only could! How wonderful would that be?

And then maybe, just maybe, you might be able to forgive yourself a little bit, too.

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